Rambling with Words

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Saturday, June 5, 1999

It was a beautiful day today. The temps only got into the 80s so it was very nice. They are suppose to head back into the 90s tomorrow. I rode my bike along the Rillito Riverpark. You still can't get to La Cholla as they are running one of the washes across it and have a huge ditch cutting through the path. You also can't get to River so I wound around till I got back to La Canada and then rode up to Ina.

I seemed to go up the hill easier than usual. Maybe I'm slowly building my strength. I need to work on upper body strength but that is so boring. Lifting weights, working out on machines. . yuk! I do need to get my bike lubed and cleaned. It's getting a little stiff.

I picked up a history of the world at the bookstore. I've been wanting one for a while but they are so intimidating. This is paperback and has a good index. I hope to read all the way through it, eventually, but to use it as a reference as I have a problem putting a civilization in context sometimes. I also wrote down some books that looked interesting and when I got home ordered about half through the library. A couple were on order so I may get them a couple months from now when I've forgotten I ordered them.

I stopped at the Nanini Library to do the ordering and, of course, walked out with several books. Libraries are dangerous places, but they are free. I spent most of the afternoon reading and still haven't really touched the books I have out. I have to take so many books back before I've read them because I get carried away. Some stuff, like mysteries, are fluff and I go through them fast but the history books are a tough reading.

I just sat in bed and read because I felt sorry for myself. I wanted someone to take care of me but no one ever had. I wonder if that's why I not too good at taking care of people. I always wanted to take care of my children and tried, but I always felt like I wasn't doing it right. I just read fluff, mysteries today, and took care of myself. That's who usually ends up taking care of most of us, ourselves. There just aren't enough people to take care of all of us.

How easy it is to feel sorry for ourselves, but then I watch the news and see the refugees from Kosovo and feel guilty, and there are worse atrocities going on right now that we don't even see. Even earlier this century the vast majority of people were much worse off than all but a very few of us, the very poorest. It just seems lonelier now.

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Biked - 16 miles

Rachel Aschmann 1999.
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