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Monday, May 3, 1999

I saw another article on how depression is on the rise. Is it because we expect more or expect more to be done for us to make us happy? We are better off than we have ever been. Is it that we don't pay attention to the good things, but only to the bad things?

What good things have happened to me today?The clouds made mysterious patterns and misty looking colors on the Tucson Mountains on the way to work. I woke up before the alarm this morning and felt great. I have on a new pair of jeans and I bought them big enough to be really comfortable instead of pretending I wear a smaller size than I do. The easy listening channel is playing some great songs - Sixteen Tons, Puff the Magic Dragon, The Chattanooga Choo Choo, etc.

I have a job I enjoy and time to do what I want. I can walk in the dawn and dusk as long as I want. I have two kids that I love and am proud of and they love me. I quit smoking. My cat is a sweetie. I can pay my bills. I owe more on my credit cards than I should, but I can make the payments ok.

I still get depressed, though. I still want people to notice me and pay attention to me. I still want to be special. Did people not have this wish before or did they just figure it wasn't going to happen? Or did people get more attention? Well, we didn't have the anonymity that we have now. People knew who you were. People know who I am, or at least some people know who I am. Why isn't that enough?

Did the kids that did the shooting in Colorado want to be just noticed or did they want to matter?

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Walked - 3 mile

Rachel Aschmann 1999.
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