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Monday, March 29, 1999
Walked - 3 miles I've been a bit blue today. One of those days when you really wonder if anything is worth all the trouble. Certainly not a wish to just give up, but just wondering what the point is. Wondering why things never turn out like you planned. One of my rules to live by is that nothing ever turns out like we want it to or we expect it to. Sometimes it's worse, but usually it's better or, at least, ok, but there is still that disappointment. Most days I enjoy the challenge of handling the new direction things have taken, but today it just seemed too much. Today I just felt like I didn't care. All those days stretching into the distance. It's the dailyness of it all. Doing it all over and over again, and no one to bitch about it once I get home. I enjoy living by myself, but sometimes I just want someone to say "It's ok, you've had a rough day, you're right, they shouldn't treat you like that". Maybe I could hire someone. Most of life consists of things that just have to be done over again the next day or week or year, and usually I just do them, but sometimes I start wondering why. I'm watching Scooby Doo and The New Addams Family to restore my sense of the absurd. The sitcoms are just a little to full of themselves to cheer me up when I'm in this kind of mood. I need something to show me how silly life is not how important sitcom characters think they are. Whoops! Almost missed Poirot. It's a mystery but Hercule Poirot is a bit comical and since I've seen them all and read the books many times, it's a very comforting program. The murders are always so genteel. No Kung Fu, explosions, car chases (well, there are some but even they are genteel) or jumping from building to building with a broken arm and a bullet in a leg. Polite murders, and done with such manners. Manners may not save the world, but they are comforting when life seems without reason. Well, life will go on and I will feel better tomorrow, in fact, I'm already feeling better. There is still hope for the future and enjoyment for today and an interesting life in between.
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