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Wednesday, January 1, 2003

New Years Day

(From "The Culture of Make Believe" by Jensen Derrick) if we didn't feel contempt for ourselves would we treat ourselves so badly? Good question. I'm slowly working my way through the book but it's a very difficult read.

New Years Eve and New Years Day have been rather uneventful. I've been feeling a little down but I don't know if it's because I'm coming down with something (my throat's been a bit sore) or because I have to go back to work tomorrow. It's been so nice knowing that I don't have to go back to work and just this evening I felt so depressed about going to work tomorrow that I started to cry.

I like what I do, I just don't like what they want to do which is to supervise. I tried several times this week to work on the review for my one supervisee and got nowhere. I just don't know how to rate someone. How do you break someone down to good, average or bad.

Besides, it's been so nice not having to do anything. This is the longest stretch of nothing to do that I've had in about seven years. Vacations don't count because I'm always doing something and I love it but I have so enjoyed not doing anything. Not being accountable to anyone. I did work on some work stuff but it was so much more relaxed since I wasn't constantly interrupted. But I did that when I was ready, not on demand.

One of the reasons I like my job is that I usually can do things when I schedule them, not when someone else schedules them, but I still have pressure of meetings and deadlines and just getting everything done in too little time. I just hate to think that tomorrow morning I'll be jumping into getting too much done in too little time and major deadlines within the first week. And, even worse, I stupidly said I would help with the employee breakfast the week after we get back. I dread that!

I read "Irish Stew" by Andrew Greeley today. Other than the fact that it's so hard to read a book written in brogue it was a good book and a good mystery/story. Nuala Ann McGrail and her husband Dermot Coyne juggle a premature baby with helping an acquaintance to find out who shot at him. While doing this they also follow a mystery about the Haymarket riot in Chicago via the journal by newspaperman who wrote the story. I enjoyed the Haymarket mystery more than I enjoyed the current day mystery. The problem with brogue is that I'm so busy interpreting it and critiqing it that I get off track from the story.

Rachel Aschmann 2003.
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