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Wednesday, October 17, 2001

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I'm too young!

My son is thirty years old today. Thirty! I'm too young to have a thirty year old son. Well, I feel like I'm not much older than he is. I know I'm old enough to have a thirty year old son, I just don't remember that I'm that old. I look at myself and wonder what happened to the young person I feel like.

I feel pushed lately and sometimes I enjoy it and sometimes I don't. With TABRU I feel like I've fallen into a position that I'm not comfortable with as I don't agree all the time with everyone in the group but, at the same time, I do agree with the objectives of the group, which is to work for better transit. I feel like I was sucked into a position of responsibility that I hadn't planned on. I'm so used to letting other people take responsibility that I'm not good at being in charge or partly in charge of what's going on. This make me very uncomfortable but it's good for me and I do enjoy it when I succeed. If I don't succeed, well, that's how it goes. I enjoy seeing things from a different angle, though.

At work I'm on a committee and, all of a sudden, I have more responsibilities. I like taking charge but I don't like having responsibility so I'm good at doing my job but it's hard to define a job, which this committee is doing with itself and defining what is going to happen to other people, which is very difficult for me. This also will be a learning experience for me and I just have to jump out and do it. I applied to be on the committee, but even there I may not have if someone hadn't suggested that I do apply and then I didn't really think I would be picked. Oh, well, life happens so this will be interesting, if a little stressful.

I finished "Desert Noir" by Betty Webb. This is set in Phoenix, so I recognize the landmarks. Lena Jones, an ex-cop and ex-abused foster child, is a private detective who looks into the death of a friend who had an art gallery next to her detective agency and home. The more she digs the more she finds out the horror of abuse while she also tries to find who she is as she was left at a hospital as a four year old with a bullet wound on her forehead. It's a good book but Betty seems to have little good to say about anglos. This is indeed a noir book, but it is interesting.

I just heard the following statement on a nature program "There is a place on earth when life and death are close together". Now that could apply to anywhere on earth. Life and death are always close together. Sometimes nature programs get a bit melodramatic. The animals just go on with what they always go on with. It's humans that get all excited and start making overreaching statements that irritate people.

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Rachel Aschmann 2001.
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