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Sunday, May 13, 2001

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Mother's Day

I just could not sleep last night. I felt like I was wound tight and couldn't relax. Finally I took a sleeping pill and still could not sleep. I finally fell asleep sometime after 2:00 this morning but woke up at 5:30 and tried to go back to sleep till I finally gave up and got up at 7:30. I am so scared about not being able to sleep even with sleeping pills. I am so tired today and the thought of being like this all the time is frightening.

I talked with both my kids so it was a good Mother's Day. They are such sweeties and I am so lucky to be their mom. I'm not sure what I did but they turned out great so I think other people must have put in some good work on them. I miss my mom and feel sad because it's like I lost her twice, once when she no longer remembered us or was the person I knew and, again, when she died a year ago, but I still have memories of her and that's all we really have in the end.

I've just watched tv and read today as I'm tired and my allergies are so bad. It feels funny when I never go outside. It's like I missed a day. Since it's Sunday I didn't even go out to get the mail. I don't feel more rested either. I think lack of moving around, exercising, walking, whatever leaves me rather heavy feeling and without energy. I get this way when I sit on a bus all day without any long stops. Even when I'm tired I always feel so much better when I get up and walk to work.

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Rachel Aschmann 2001.
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