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Monday, February 26, 2001

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Shining knights

I'm 54 and I still have a strong wish for a knight in shining armor to come and carry me off. I don't really want to be married or even live with someone. I just want to matter to someone. Everything is based on couples. I get so tired of "two for the price one" coupons. Doesn't do me any good. I get tired of going to parties by myself, not that I go to a lot of parties. I know it's more common and I really prefer it but it gets so tiresome. I want a shining knight to show up who will take care of me but leave me alone to live my life the way I want.

I also, like everyone I suppose, often wish to do something that would make me famous but I don't know that I would really enjoy it. It would be fun for a few days but I would miss the ability to be anonymous. I find the idea of never being able to go anywhere without being known sends chills up my spine. I think that after a while people who are always in the public eye forget who they really are and can only try to be what they are suppose to be.

Actually this is probably the case for everyone. We always put up somewhat of a front, even for people who we feel closest to. After a while it becomes difficult to really know who we are. We have one front for people at work, another front for our children, still another for our friends, We all have personal characteristics that won't change or won't stay changed but how much of the rest is us or culture? We do have the ability to change, to some extent, who we are but so much of what we think we are is bound up in what we've become, even when that's not so good.

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Rachel Aschmann 2001.
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