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Saturday, December 30, 2000

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With my fitful sleeping I've been dreaming a lot, or remembering what I dream more. The last couple nights I've had some very uncomfortable dreams. In one I was afraid of someone and I had to fight my way out of the dream. It was like swimming through concrete but I knew I was dreaming and I could get out of it if I fought hard enough. I've also had a couple dreams where people wanted to involve me in what would be incest or close to it. I felt very uncomfortable but felt I let people down.

I wake up so much I'm not always sure if I'm awake or not as sometimes I've thought I was awake but I was just continuing my dream or carrying over my dream to my waking state. I know in the end I was just dreaming but it's scary to be dreaming while I'm awake or continuing the story after I wake up.

For many years I didn't dream or didn't remember dreaming since I slept so soundly. When I quit smoking I slept very fitfully and remembered my dreams then also. They weren't as strange as these ones, though. I used to dream a lot when I was young. I used to fly in those dreams and wish I would have those kind now.

I woke up with a sore throat for the third day today and I feel very tired. I thought the reason I was so tired when I walked was because I've gotten very little walking in the last couple weeks and it's apalling how soon you lose strength when you don't use it. Now I'm thinking that it's also because I'm coming down with something. It's only 5:00 in the evening and I'm very tired and just want to lie down, which I think I may do.

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(c) Rachel Aschmann 2000.
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