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Tuesday, May 16, 2000

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Coming out of depression

I love the Rugrats! I realized today that Tommy looks my kids looked with bare feet, just a diaper (no pants) and a too short tshirt. He's so cute! Chuckie gets on my nerves sometimes, but maybe he reminds me so much of myself, afraid of so much.

Well, I went through a bad spell of depression. Nothing that kept me from work, but then it never does. Too many years of not being able to miss work. I just didn't get much done outside of work and even at work I couldn't concentrate or juggle things as well as I would like. A total lack of interest in much of anything. I'm surprised my finger isn't sore from constant channel surfing. Nothing has seemed interesting.

It seems to be worse on weekends but only because there is no structure. During a work day I have things to do and just have to keep going, whereas at night or on a weekend I just veg. I do make myself get up and go for a walk or go to the store but it's not enough. I burn out if I am constantly scheduled, though, and get depressed more than usual.

I don't know if Mother's Day, without my mother, had anything to do with it or if it was coincidental. I wasn't even that close to my mother but her death seems to have really affected me. By 'not close' I mean that we didn't spend that much time together, especially while I was growing up and I never felt like I really knew her. There was too much of a formal feeling between us.

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5/15/00 - Biked 5 miles
5/16/00 - Walked 3 miles

(c) Rachel Aschmann 2000.
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