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Wednesday, January 5, 2000

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I felt bad yesterday and went to bed at 8:00 PM. I'm much better today and even rode my bike to work. It was a bit nippy but with my coat and hood I was fine. It is still so dark when I leave in the morning that if feels colder than it is and I have to make sure my lights are working. In the evening it's light enough that there's no problem.

I like the morning ride best, even if it is uphill and cold and dark, because it's always more relaxing with less traffic and just a beautiful way to start the day. When I get off work the traffic is heavier and it's not as enjoyable.

I just turned off the television because it's driving me crazy. I have been a zombie lately and don't get anything done in the evening because I am constantly flipping channels, looking for the right program to suddenly appear. It has become very irritating. The nice thing about the radio is that you can do something else while you're listening to it. With television I seem to fall into a trance and just sit there. The only thing I am good at doing while watching television is eating and I need to stop that.

One reason that I felt bad yesterday was stress from the holidays and deadlines at work and, to top it off, the breast clinic called me back again for more xrays. This is the second call back and they keep saying that they just can't get a good picture, but I was near tears yesterday after I had scheduled a new appointment. I was surprised that it upset me so much. I just don't get upset by medical issues.

Being healthy is something you don't think about when you are and it's such a bother when you aren't. I get a chip on my shoulder about it. When I smoked I would light up a cigarette every time I heard another story about why I should quit. When I hear that I'm overweight I just want to eat something. The difference is that if I keep eating I have to spend more money on clothes. I hate going in for mammograms since I'm very low on the risk scale for breast cancer and dislike doctor visits because I feel like I shouldn't have to need to see a doctor.

The health news is so depressing now a days. We can never to everything we are suppose to do. It is tremendously expensive and time consuming to do all that we are told we should do, from choosing, and cooking, the right diet to getting the right exercise, to picking out the right vitamins, to thinking the right thoughts. It used to be that people died much younger because there wasn't much they could do or that they knew they could do, but at least they didn't have the pressure to constantly do more and more.

When I get into a health mode I am psyched up for the first few days planning what I'm going to do and eat and how I'm going to exercise and then I get so stressed out when everything isn't going like I planned that I stop doing it all. I'm trying a little moderation right now and hoping that will work. I'm not dieting, I'm just trying to eat seven to nine fruit and vegetable portions each day, and it's hard.

I get enough exercise since I don't have a car but occasionally I get these urges to join a health club and work out. I always have this vision of looking good in a cute little exercise outfit but I never looked good in those even when I wasn't overweight. My stomach has pouched out since I had my first kid and never flattened out even when I lost all the weight I gained. Some people just don't ever have that exercise outfit body and it is evil to pretend that we could if we just joined their health club.

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Biked - 6 Miles

(c) Rachel Aschmann 2000.
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